Having Samuel has been a hard experience but I think it's been good for me too. Before Samuel was born, I was really sad because I was sure that Samuel wasn't going to live. That was probably the hardest experience for me. Now I realize that a miracle has happened. Now I know he is going to live with us and live well. He might have some tough parts of his life but I will be able to teach him things.
It's good to know our way around the Children's Hospital. Seeing sick kids has taught me that those kinds of things happen but there is someone to look after us. It's hard that mom and dad have to be away so much but they've managed to have someone looking after Sam and someone else taking care of my brothers and I and keeping us busy. That is not easy and my parents have done a great job.
Ever since Samuel was born, I've been gradually getting used to it. In the beginning, I didn't see him much because he was too sick for my brothers and I to visit. So I was just wondering and hoping at home. Now I am used to going to the hospital, seeing all the equipment and medicines gradually disappear. But I've never totally understood it. Lots of things I still want to ask. He was on so many medicines - what were they all for? How did they make him a diaphragm and what did they use? How did they teach him to breathe on his own? How are they feeding him? How much longer will Samuel stay in hospital?
So many questions. Did the doctors save my brother or did a miracle? How do miracles like this happen? The doctors and nurses didn't just teach Samuel. They taught us too. I find it pretty amazing the way Sam has survived all this commotion with his CDH and all the surprises that came with it.
Sam's a great baby and I want to be a great brother. I've had many visits to the hospital where I've held, played with, or just watched Sam sleep. Whatever we do is fine with me as long as I'm with my amazing, recovered, great little brother. Although I don't know exactly what he thinks, there has been quite a lot of change in his life. Foothills Hospital to Children's Hospital, getting through surgery and infections, endotracheal tube to biPAP mask to nasal prongs, ICU to Unit 2, feeding tube to bottle. I never expected even one of these to happen, and I'm sure Sam didn't either. So I want to be beside him the whole way.
|February 1: Meeting Samuel for the first time. |
|May 29 (yesterday): Me talking to my baby brother on the bed at home.|