A bit of news and a special meeting

Samuel is doing well. The two chest xrays looked a little different from one another and so we elected to do a CT scan to give us a proper image of the diaphragm. I think I was still holding out hope that we would see something positive here - a hole small enough for a laparascopic stitch or two, maybe no hole at all. But the CT scan showed a hole in the diaphragm similar to the one that was repaired in October, and a loop or two of bowel that had moved up into the chest. Surgery is a go for February 9th.

The good news from the CT is that Sam's left lung looked fabulous - no sign of collapse or compromised functioning. This is the Secret Lung, the one that Samuel wasn't supposed to grow, the one that he kept tucked away until its surprise inflation during repair surgery last February. That lung is now filling out its side of his wee chest and holding its own against a minor bowel invasion.

I am relaxing - at least as much as I can, given the circumstances - in the realization that my baby is okay. My association is that hole in the diaphragm equals life-threatening emergency. Dr. Brindle pointed out that, once these kids are strong enough to be off of oxygen, they can sometimes manage a reherniation for a quite a while before it is even recognized. We are guessing that Samuel showed up as struggling because he was so constipated and that put extra pressure on the diaphragm and bowel in the chest; this compromised his eating and comfort enough to set off my mama spidey senses.

So now it is all about keeping him hydrated, growing and, most importantly, pooping! I have been working hard at his pro-weight-gain, pro-pooping, pro-feeding-skills-development, anti-reflux eating regime. There was one day last week where I am pretty sure that every scrap of my cognitive abilities got directed towards making my baby poop. Success yielded a much, much happier Sam and we just keep working on keeping him that way.

Woo hoo!!!

Sam's dietician from Diaphragm Clinic has been an amazing source of good ideas and reassuring support in this regard. She invited us to stop by for a weight check and a chat. Turns out that our skinny little Sam is actually still gaining weight! It's very slow gain at this point but, given that the boy has his anatomy wonked out again, we're just happy that he's not losing.

The highlight of the CT scan day was running into some very special people in the hospital hallway. I got to visit with Sam's NICU nurses Barb and Jan and his neonatologist Dr. Carlos Fajardo. Aunty Barb was the person to first teach me about ICU humour (she's really good at it) and Jan actually remembered details of his transport day out of all the many babies she's helped. The last day they saw Samuel was when he transferred from the NICU to the Children's Hospital PICU at 10 days old. He was six pounds, intubated, just off of the oscillating ventilator, on nitric oxide and eleven different IV infusions. He was very fragile, being loaded into the transport incubator, and we were still so unsure that he would make it.

And now Dr. Carlos was standing here smiling at the rosy-cheeked, blond boy perched on my hip. Dr. Carlos is the doctor who came to Chris and I when I was in labour, explained what was expected to happen, asked us who we wanted in the delivery room if Samuel was to die right away. He is the doctor who took him from the obstetrician's hands, declared, "we have life" and started the actions to save our baby. I can hear those words, his gentle voice and Spanish accent, like it was yesterday. Before taking Samuel off to the NICU, Dr. Carlos told Chris to kiss his baby and took photos with our camera.

Daddy, meet Samuel.

That kind, gentle voice gave us all kinds of wise sound bytes that we clung to, such as, "He is the boss and he will tell us what he can do and what he needs help with," and "He is alive in there, mama. He knows who you are and he loves you," and "I don't care about those numbers now. We have been given your son. We listen to him."

Now that voice said, "Congratulations on your son. May I hold him?" Why, yes. Yes you may.


Dude! You are FUNNY! So, um, sorry I peed on you while you were intubating me and saving my life and all. We good?