Surgery update: Day 3

Yesterday was rough for Samuel and there was a lot of activity and consulting and tweaking this med and adding that one. Gradually, his room filled with IV poles and pumps - twelve infusions in all - plus the ventilator and monitors. Chris and I asked questions, noted worried expressions, asked more questions, listened in on rounds, held hands. Our big boys spent the afternoon with Aunty Maria and Uncle Gord and we picked them up before bedtime.

By the time we left, things were looking up a little. The ICU team had settled on the hypothesis that Sam being so sick was a response to the trauma of such major surgery. Other possibilities like sepsis are not ruled out yet, but we're pretty sure what we've seen is his little body going into shock and shutting down all non-essential systems. Our bodies are smart this way; when in survival mode with only so many resources, we put all energy into heart and brain function and let go of things like kidneys, profusion, and digestion until the danger has passed.

Even though our little Sam is still very sick, I am handling things better. I totally misplaced my big girl pants on Friday, was too freaked out to even notice they were missing and go looking for them. I'm sure some of this was adjusting to the reality of what recovery might actually look like for him. Some of it was remembering last year, feeling myself back in that terrifying place.

Yesterday afternoon, Sam's nurse said, "Would you like to do his mouth care?" Based on my response, she could have said, "would you like to eat this chocolate cake and take a trip to Mexico?" Yes! Mouth care sounded fabulous! I swabbed out his mouth, dabbed jelly on his lips, and put drops in his eyes to keep them moist when he is too sedated to blink. Then I gave him a sponge bath, which was a little lame since he is immobilized laying on his back and only about 40% of his front is free of tubes, tapes and probes. But I sponged at what I could and then I massaged and exercised his swollen-fat legs.

This whole thing took over an hour. My mental health increased dramatically from the feeling of being able to do something, anything, for my sick Sam. I hope that the touch was as calming and connecting for Samuel as it was for me. I've been repeating the massage and face care every couple of hours since then, glad of living so close to the hospital so that I could come back late in the night to play out our routine a couple more times.

Today is day 3 post-op. Samuel is still completely snowed by meds but he is not paralyzed. He does not open his eyes or move on his own. He is swollen beyond recognition. But the combination of massage and diuretics is getting him peeing at last so his kidneys are starting to work again. His feet are not freezing cold and his lips are not blue so his circulation is returning. His numbers are all sitting stable right where they should be. They've started weaning some of his medications and ventilator settings - small steps - and he is handling these changes fine.

He doesn't look like my Sam-Sam but I know he is in there. I talk to him and sing to him. I massage and I visualize energy and blood flow coming back into his organs, healing his little body. His brothers miss him but they are okay. Chris and I are a bit beaten up but we have our eye on the prize. Fabulous medical care - check! Super strong Samuel - check! Big girl pants - check! We can do this!