Photo captions

The photo and captions invitation was the idea of three of Samuel's nurses. I showed them the photo on my camera and they loved it. They suggested I print it to put on his door to remind people what we are aiming for - that this wee baby be able to wake up and come out to engage with his world.

Last week was really hard. Samuel was unsettled so much of the time. He was having desats and bradycardias several times a day. Every little touch made him wake up and cry, his mouth open and face scrunched up in full wail even though he makes no sound. He would get extra oxygen support and extra sedation until he settled, which sometimes took ten minutes and sometimes an hour. I tried everything in my mommy repertoire to calm him while watching him struggle and listening to the alarms going off. Even when he slept, he didn't look peaceful; his little brow would remain furrowed and he would have moments of writhing and looking distressed.

The photo was taken on Thursday when some magical balance of sedation was achieved for Samuel and he was awake for two hours, peaceful, alert, looking around, responding to my voice and Chris' in a way that he never had. We went home on such a high that evening. Later that night he crashed again and Friday was another awful day. Looking at his photo from Thursday evening was part of reminding myself there was another possibility for him.

The captions on his blog reminded me that people were with us in hope and humour. I also got private emails of care and that was lovely. I put the picture on the door of his hospital room and now the many ICU staff walk by, stop to look, smile at our baby and laugh at the captions. His little spirit is out there bringing them happiness and they are, in turn, bringing him love. I get to laugh with them about his sweet expression and watch the amazing energy coming through those big sliding glass doors. That love for our Sam is holding me up.

I know I said 'contest' but there is no way I could judge and choose among these captions. It's all just beautiful. (And besides, what on earth would I offer as a prize? A date with Samuel?)

Captions from Sam's PICU room

• Are we there yet?!
• You're gonna put WHAT WHERE?!
• Sorry. I thought it was just a fart.
• OMG! Has anyone seen where I put my eyebrows?!
• Are you guys SERIOUS?!
• Dude, where's my car?
• SOS! Mom?! Dad?! ANYONE?!!?!
• They are trying to keep me quiet, but I am gonna TELL!
• Too cool for school!
• What they talking about, Willis?
• Hey Peeps. Where's the party?
• Aren't I just so darn CUTE?!
• What are you looking at?! You want a piece of me?!
• Troublemaker? Who me? I don't know what you're talking about.
• You are complaining about snow? You should try an ETT! [endo-trachial tube - a little ICU humour! :)]

Captions from the blog:

• What? ANOTHER election?!
• Look at the stars... or are those really my mommy's eyes?
• Oh my mama told me there'll be days like these
•    - A little Van Morrison I must've heard in utero...
• Can Zachary do this face? I can...
• You put WHAT in my tube?!
• Yea, I have a tube in my nose. What's it to you?!
• I told her... I said... "just a little off the top."
• Are you lookin' at me? Are. you. lookin'. at ME?!
• Hey Mom, when you get that liquor license, make sure to sneak a few drops in my tube to take the edge off.
• Did you say, "Kirsten's not coming today" -?!
• I *like* my mohawk? You doubt me? Huh?
• So what's it to you?! Another bad haircut... what can I say?!
• You are putting these pictures on the internet?!

I looked again today. Really he is too cute and I could eat him up. I now think he is saying, "I love you and thank-you for loving me."