Having Samuel has been a hard experience but I think it's been good for me too. Before Samuel was born, I was really sad because I was sure that Samuel wasn't going to live. That was probably the hardest experience for me. Now I realize that a miracle has happened. Now I know he is going to live with us and live well. He might have some tough parts of his life but I will be able to teach him things.
It's good to know our way around the Children's Hospital. Seeing sick kids has taught me that those kinds of things happen but there is someone to look after us. It's hard that mom and dad have to be away so much but they've managed to have someone looking after Sam and someone else taking care of my brothers and I and keeping us busy. That is not easy and my parents have done a great job.
Ever since Samuel was born, I've been gradually getting used to it. In the beginning, I didn't see him much because he was too sick for my brothers and I to visit. So I was just wondering and hoping at home. Now I am used to going to the hospital, seeing all the equipment and medicines gradually disappear. But I've never totally understood it. Lots of things I still want to ask. He was on so many medicines - what were they all for? How did they make him a diaphragm and what did they use? How did they teach him to breathe on his own? How are they feeding him? How much longer will Samuel stay in hospital?
So many questions. Did the doctors save my brother or did a miracle? How do miracles like this happen? The doctors and nurses didn't just teach Samuel. They taught us too. I find it pretty amazing the way Sam has survived all this commotion with his CDH and all the surprises that came with it.
Sam's a great baby and I want to be a great brother. I've had many visits to the hospital where I've held, played with, or just watched Sam sleep. Whatever we do is fine with me as long as I'm with my amazing, recovered, great little brother. Although I don't know exactly what he thinks, there has been quite a lot of change in his life. Foothills Hospital to Children's Hospital, getting through surgery and infections, endotracheal tube to biPAP mask to nasal prongs, ICU to Unit 2, feeding tube to bottle. I never expected even one of these to happen, and I'm sure Sam didn't either. So I want to be beside him the whole way.
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February 1: Meeting Samuel for the first time.
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| May 29 (yesterday): Me talking to my baby brother on the bed at home. |
Daniel! It is so nice to read your thoughts on this whole experience. I know how proud your Mom (oh, Mum :) and Dad are of you. What a very special big brother Sam, Jakey, and Zach get to have! You have 3 little brothers, wow!! My favorite picture of you two is the last one, where you are holding him for the first time. I bet that felt so awesome. You are a great writer.
ReplyDeleteWith Love,
Tricia (your Mum's friend from Dallas, TX)
What a great blog, Daniel. Samuel is a lucky boy to have you as his biggest brother. We can tell that you have learned so much about Samuel and his special journey. We know that you will always be there for him when he needs your help and guidance.
ReplyDeleteWe are bursting with pride for the special grandson that wrote this blog.
SUPER DAN!!!!
Love and hugs from
Nana and Boppa
Daniel, what a fantastic post. It's great to hear about what an older sibling's thoughts are about his baby brother who has been through so much. You are an amazing kid and a wonderful brother! Thank you for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteJennifer (one of your mum's California friends)
Reading this blog is such a great way to keep up on all of the amazing things that have happened so far in Samuel's life.
ReplyDeleteI was excitedly going to comment how the blog post about Samuel coming home was the best ever, though there have been so many times something that great has happened, and they keep happening.
But before I could even comment about that, I this and it's definitely my favorite post!
Daniel,
It was great to learn more about Samuel from your point of view. You are a great writer and more importantly, you are an awesome big brother! Samuel (and Jakey and Zachary) sure are lucky :)
- Sherri from Baltimore, Maryland
(another friend of your mom's)
Daniel, your blog post was so thoughtful and well written. I especially liked your questions about miracles. Samuel is so lucky to have a brother like you, cheering him on and taking care of him and each other. I'm guessing it hasn't always been easy to be the big brother in this journey; I think you are doing an amazing job of it. What a gift you are to your brothers and your mom and dad.
ReplyDeleteWarmly, Denice
(your mum's Colorado friend)
Dear Daniel
ReplyDeleteI have just read your blog post about your thoughts and feelings for Samuel. I usually read your Mum's blog before I go to bed at night, so that I can lie in bed and do my thinking and a-prayin' and all that sort of stuff before I go to sleep at night. I'm too tired and busy to read in the morning because I get up to go to the gym before my kids get up, so sometimes I'm a little behind the rest of the world. Or ahead - see, it's Tuesday NIGHT here and yet when you read this when you wake up it will be Tuesday MORNING where you are!
I believe that you will be the best big brother than Samuel, Jakey and Zachary will ever have. Oh, I can just imagine the things you will teach them (or may have already). Imagine how fun it's going to be to teach Sam to fart in the bath - how many bubbles there are and how much more they smell that way ;) I've told your Mum she is to never moan about how much Samuel eats (especially as a teenager) and she is to never say anything nasty about how bad his socks smell, ok? Because, just secretly, I don't think she expected Samuel to live either, and so whether it was a miracle or the doctors' skills (or maybe a combination of both of those things) which meant you still have Samuel with you today (and for a long time to come) your Mum needs to remember that she was told not to moan about too much eating and too smelly socks.
Do you know how to make fake poos? I'll let you know soon and you can freak your Mum out on numerous occasions, ok?!
Happy big brothering. Arohanui ('big love' - lots of love)
--
Maria
(in New Zealand)
Hi Daniel. Your gentle soul comes through in your writing and you will make a great role model for your brothers. We have no doubt of that. Being first means many things, one of which is showing love before fully understanding what it means. Missing you and your brothers a lot. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeletelove UJ & M
Hi! I'm Ellie. My mom is friends with your mom. We live in Pennsylvania USA. I've been Praying for Samuel since I knew your mama was having him. I thought what you wrote was very touching & sweet! We are all very glad he is getting better! I like reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteBye :-)
daniel, you're a wonderful writer! i think you're doing a great job, too, being a big brother to all your little brothers. i met you a few years ago, & we stayed over at your house & then all went to a zoo together. i hope you all get to bring sam home soon, & i bet you'll have lots of good stuff to share with all your little brothers. my three girls send you four boys lots of love!
ReplyDeleteanother of your mum's friends, this time from florida.
Happy 4th month Sam!
ReplyDeleteDear Daniel,
ReplyDeleteYour very first blog is just absolutely amazing! You are very wise and very thoughtful for being 8 years old. It sounds like sweet Samuel has taught you many lessons in his short little life, and that you really look forward to teaching his so many things too. Your Mom and Dad must be very proud of you!
Lots of love to all, Susan